Monday, January 25, 2010

Day 31: No Bread

Today's Weight:       191.2
Yesterday's:             192
RELEASED:               .8 pound
Total Released:        21.4 pounds  10.2%

Week One Released         9.2 pounds   4.4  %
Week Two Released:       3 pounds      1.4 %
Week Three Released:     4  pounds     2     %
Week Four Released:       3.8 pounds  1.8%
Week Five Released:        1.4 pounds

My buddy Kyle at Getting Better and Better has a great post up about being a food addict and how his emphasis on food has changed since getting healthy.  It's a must read for any food addict.

I've been struggling with this for a few days.  Food is never far from my thoughts, mainly because as the CEO of this family, at any given time....I'm either planning meals, making meals or cleaning up from meals.  I'm missing our weekly meal out because I seriously haven't had a break from cooking in 30 days.  And that makes me think about all of the food I won't be ordering anymore.  Food that has been apart of my life for years and years.  Food that I know isn't good for me.

It made me think about upcoming holiday's and birthdays and how I'm going to handle them.  Both me and Calvin grew up celebrating with food and giant cakes.  Everything  his family does is big! Big meals and portions and I'm sure it's no surprise that they are BIG people.  For my first birthday with his family...they ordered a HALF SHEET cake for 6 of us to eat.  Things have got to change....

I watched people at the food court at the mall on Saturday and I paid close attention to what they were eating.  All my favorites where there....chicken strips, burgers, shakes, fries and pizza.  I also noticed that all of these people were significantly overweight and I wondered where the skinny people were....oh yeah, she was sitting in the corner eating her grilled chicken salad without dressing.  LOL!  Did you catch that?  I just referred to myself as SKINNY!

But seriously, every time I go to the grocery store I get mad (if I was a toddler...I'd be throwing myself to the floor in a fit) about not being able to eat like I used to.  My whole life I've enjoyed food....If you asked me what things bring me would be towards the top.  The thought that I won't be able to enjoy some of these foods anymore makes me sad because my life is really pretty boring and if you take this away from me....

ON THE OTHER HAND....I feel better eating healthy CLEAN food.  I don't have heartburn or migraines anymore (going on 30 days for both of those), I'm sleeping so well and without 20 extra pounds, my knees aren't creaking.  I'm looking forward to being active with my kids and learning to ski.

I guess what I'm trying to get at here is that this a learning process.  I'm learning to let go of the past and find a new way to be happy.  I know I will still eat some of my favorite foods but they will be few and far between.  Old habits are hard to break and I guess I'm more stubborn than I thought I was.

Tell me how I'm supposed to live with no bread

If I should die before I wake
It's 'cause you took my bread away
Losing you is like living in a world with no carbs

I'm here alone, didn't wanna leave
My heart won't move, it's incomplete
Wish there was a way that I can make you understand

So how do you expect me
to live alone with just me
'Cause my world revolves around you
It's so hard for me to live

Tell me how I'm supposed to live with no bread
Can't live, can't breathe with no bread
It's how I feel whenever you ain't there
It's no bread, no bread
Got me out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gonna be without me
If you ain't here, I just can't breathe
It's no bread, no bread

No bread, bread
No bread, bread
No bread, bread
No bread, bread

I walked, I ran, I jumped, I flew
Right off the ground to float to you
There's no gravity to hold me down for real

But somehow I'm still alive inside
You took my bread, but I survived
I don't know how, but I don't even care

So how do you expect me
to live alone with just veggies
'Cause my world revolves around you
It's so hard for me to breathe


No bread, bread
No muffins, muffins
No naan, naan
No donuts, donuts
No more
It's no bread, no bread

EDITED:  I wrote this post yesterday morning after reading Kyle's post....four hours later I got a migraine.  And spent the rest of the day and evening in bed.  I finally got a break from cooking for my family....


  1. Great post!!! Did you see the episode of Glee where they did this song?

  2. I think it's so positive for people to call it what it is... food addiction. Many of us have struggled with it and various forms of disordered eating. It's an easy, legal way to soothe and "medicate" ourselves. The SAD diet [Standard American Diet] doesn't make it any easier with all of the unhealthy, fast, cheap food.

    I am SO proud of you. Not only will you feel better, but you'll live longer! You're doing the tough stuff, Connie. Hang in there!

  3. Oh, so true girl! We *always* celebrate with food. Always. I actually had a friend tell me last night that in the 2 years she's lived here {and become a part of our family & church family} that she's gained 30 pounds. THIRTY pounds! It's b/c everything we do revolves around food.

    It has to stop. And I'm hoping to be a part of the change.

    And ohmygosh, that song with your words at the end is HILARIOUS!!

    21.4 pounds!! AWESOME!!

  4. You are so strong Connie!

    We call it the "Johnson 15", because everyone who marries into my husband's family gains 15 lbs. It really is a culture, but you are going to change it!

  5. The adjustment is SO worth it. Yes, you are giving up using food for anything other than fuel and nutrition. On the other hand, you are gaining health, weight loss, and the ability to choose food instead of letting it "choose" you. Way to go!

  6. Wow...thanks for the shout out Connie...I think you articulated aspects of food addiction even better. It is a very complex topic that hits each of us differently. We do have the common challenge of replacing the emotional nourishment from comfort foods with something else. Hopefully it means that we can actually enjoy some of our past favorites without placing the same significance on it.

    You are doing wonderfully Connie...what a great weigh-in!

    Getting Better and Better

  7. i cooked bacon for my family last night and made pancakes. i had turkey chili. it was good, but NOT the same. cooking has been hard and i'm starting to get sick of watching my family eat. at first, i felt victorious. now i just feel pissed. :) i'm glad you're kicking so much ass.

  8. Girl. You "wrote that song" for me, didn't you?? No. Wait. I forgot that we are total 'twins'- scary a lot in common. ;-)

    It's so hard- changing what we've done for our ENTIRE life, in a matter of- what?- 40 days? AND THEN another 21 days of adjusting to phase 3. I can't wait to stalk you for the next 3 weeks and see how you do on phase 3.

    I'm stoked for you!

    I have considered stopping at the 20 day mark- taking a break from VLCD and maintain at phase 3. AND THEN doing another 20 days. But? I don't know. I want to break through that trial of 40 days. Eeeek!!! This is a lot of thinking.

  9. Hi! I'm new to the blog world and HCG (I'm start loading tomorrow, ACK!) but I just have to tell you how excited your blog has made me. Thank you for being so inspiring, open, and honest. And your tribute to "No Air" is CLASSIC. I shall listen to it any time I crave an egg mcmuffin.

    Thank you. Keep going. I'll be right behind you.


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